Sunday, February 17, 2013

"The Waiting Is the Hardest Part," and "I Will Wait for You": Waiting and Waiting Some More...

As Tom Petty wrote, "The waiting is the hardest part." 

I've been waiting for a lot of things lately, and because many of these particular things are important, or at least important to me, the level of difficulty in the waiting has increased.  At times, despite my efforts to try to think of something else, go about my business, work, play, read, watch movies and TV, talk with friends, help someone else, etc. the dis-ease of waiting returns and occupies, some days even dominates, my thoughts.

This week was particularly bad with the waiting, until it, compounded with the normal stresses of a work week and daily living, nearly took me over.  More things fell my way that required it.  If you're waiting with great longing for something, and then more troubles pile on top which are not resolved and require you to wait for them as well, well it can just get to you, you know?

I was driving to do some research on Saturday.  Felt good to get into another aspect of my work -- that usually helps.  But my thoughts were still consumed with waiting!  Funny enough, it was as though my car listened and understood.  On the way to my destination, the car radio offered this song in commiseration:

The waiting is the hardest part
Every day you see one more card
You take it on faith, you take it to the heart
The waiting is the hardest part

Oh don't let it kill you baby, don't let it get to you
Don't let it kill you baby, don't let it get to you
I'll be your bleedin' heart, I'll be your cryin' fool
Don't let this go too far

The waiting is the hardest part

Yeh.  Truth in lyrics, eh?

So, I did my work at this place where I'd driven to and then it was time to go home.  The sore ache of waiting off of my mind for a few hours, I was feeling a bit better.  But the thoughts crashed in on me once again as I shifted the car into gear and started up the long hill home.....

Then, almost as though my car were listening to my heartache and thoughts once again and trying to help me fend them off, "it" magically "played" this song on the radio to serenade me.  What's more, even the sun came out (something we rarely see in mid-February in this part of upstate NY!):

But I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you

So I'll be bold
As well as strong
And use my head alongside my heart
But I'll kneel down
Wait for now
I'll kneel down
Know my ground

Raise my hands
Paint my spirit gold
And bow my head

Keep my heart slow

Cause I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you


Am I still waiting?

Yes, unfortunately.  These waiting things are out of my control, I've noticed.  So that might be part of the anguish of it.  Our loss of control when other people, or situations, make us wait. 

Waiting involves surrender.  Waiting patiently requires some skill. 

I'm working on acquiring the skill.

Waiting for a few hours -- I'm good with that.  Don't usually mind.

I can even do days, if I must.

Weeks, less so, but still do-able.

But months or more?

That's taxing my skills right now. 

It really is.

I try to remind myself of others who wait.  Military families waiting for loved ones to be reunited safely.  Folks with health issues waiting to hear the results of important tests.  People in trouble waiting for help.  People I likely should be helping, who are waiting for me to get over myself and my own selfish dwelling on waiting for something, someone else....

Waiting feels like a loss of control, and in a way it is.

But we have some control yet, when we wait.  We have control over whether the waiting is worth it for us.  We needn't wait, often enough, unless we choose to do so.  We can also work on how we respond to extended waiting.  Do we let it get to us, or do we press on?  Extended waiting.......that's the issue.  Not for hours, days, or weeks.  Longer than that.  Looooooooong waiting.  Is it worth it?

We have to decide that for ourselves.  And we never have to wait to do that.

[Muse:  What are you waiting for, dear reader?  Shall we wait together?  Would that help?].